Bad Sunday

My Sunday was terrible. 

Woke up at 7am becoz Afif demanded to play. I'm having flu and terrible headache at the same time. My husband has to work all day. Takpe lah cam tak biasa plak jaga anak sensorang kan.. *muncung*

Pastu all day Afif cranky. Itu tak kena, ini tak kena. Memula okay pakai hearing aid tapi lelama even the sight of it made him cry. Kene rasuah dengan Barney di iPad everytime nak pakaikan HA baru dia tak nanges which pissed me off because iPad is the last thing i want him to use. Aku kan paranoid sket pasal side effect gadget ni. Sigh.

So kene berusaha lebih sket supaya dia tak ngadap bende alah tu. Aku main kejar-kejar lah, nyorok2 lah, tatih segenap pelosok rumah.. Bawak dia walk around the block 2 sessions. All the while with pounding head, runny nose and sweaty armpits. A glamorous mom, i am.

Dia bila cranky gini memang nak kat aku sorang lah. Bila orang lain amek, nanges lagi kuat. Seriously satu house work pon aku tak sempat nak buat sbb mengadap Afif and his crankiness. I guess sebab gigi atas dia tumbuh 4 (tapi macam 6) batang skali gus.

Malam plak kuar gi makan celebrate hub's 28tg birthday with the whole family. Tak enjoy langsung makan sebab Afif cranky takmo dok dalam baby chair. Nak berdukung ja hamagaddd..

Malam tu tanak tido plak walaupon dia ngantok. Lawan mata. Nanges je even though aku berkali-kali offer nenen. Masukkan dalam buai terus lelap. Aku masuk balik bilik sebab ngantok and penat sangat seharian tak rehat. Around 2am, SIL bawak dia masuk bilik aku. Memula breastfeed ok. Pastu dia terjaga dan nanges lagi macam kene dera. Badan dia panas sket. Aku bukak baju and lap badan dia ngan kain basah. Pastu baru dia tido smpai pagi.

Pagi tadi episod meraung kat umah babysitter dan peluk aku kuat-kuat. Dia tak pernah camni. Sigh.

Now i'm at work, still dealing with my pounding head, empty stomach and sleepy eyes. Dah la masuk lambat sebab settlekan Afif punya pasal. Haih.

i don't know how stay at home moms do it. i felt like locking myself in the room and cry cry cry and even thought about going out and leave Afif at home with Wan because i got so stressed. i feel bad for even feeling this way. But alhamdulillah boleh lagi la kawal emosi tak jerit, tengking or cubit/pukul dia.

i love my son but sometimes i just can't stand motherhood.

Sigh.

OK lah tu je entry emo aku. Please tell me i'm not the only one feeling like a bad mom. Hopeless.

Ini semua gambar on Saturday, when he's his normal gigly can't-do-nothing-wrong self. 

Mama loves you baby, in good or bad times. She just wishes she can deal with her emotions better.