i'm at the stage where i think about labour and childbirth every freaking second of the day.
Will my water break? Will i be able to have vaginal delivery? Will the contraction hurt? How much will it hurt? Will i die in the process? What if i need C-section? Will my "tuttt" tear? Will i be one of those unlucky women who were in labour for more than 24 hours?
These and lotsa other questions in my head.
Last night i fell asleep. Almost immediately i dreamt that i'm in labour, on a hospital bed. Nobody's around but my husband. It was painful, but not painful enough to make me cry and i remember thinking "Kalau camni je sakit beranak, insyaAllah i'll be okay..". i was pushing and pushing and pushing..
Then i woke up.
It felt so real. Instantly my hands reach for my tummy, so glad that my tummy is still big and round and the baby is kicking. Most importantly, no contractions whatsoever..yet!
IT'S FREAKY, THAT DREAM!
Despite freaking out about childbirth, i can't wait to see my baby boy (insyaAllah a boy!). i secretly hope he'll come out 2-3 weeks earlier than EDD. My EDD is on November 2, 2012 but to anyone who asks, i'd say i'll give birth in mid-late October. Kata-kata itu adalah doa bukan?
i can't wait to breastfeed him, hold him in my arms, see hubster holding him, force hubster clean his poo, see his first smile.. i know we'll be facing sleepless nights, pounding heads, frustration when the baby cries for God-knows-what reasons. Not to mention sore boobs, painful bottom, makanan tak sedap tengah pantang.. But it'll be worth it. That's what most parents say la. Hehe. So baby, please come out fast!
Call me vain, but in all of these baby stuff, i can't help but think will i ever get rid of all these pregnancy weight and get my pre-pregnancy body back? i've been listening to my friends whining about their stubborn bodies who can't seem to lose those pounds even after breastfeeding, dieting, exercising, corset, and supplements. But i have also witnessed friends who effortlessly bounced back to their old self (some are even skinnier) simply by just breastfeeding. i desperately pray that i belong to the latter group.i desperately NEED to belong to the latter group!